“I’m not talking about that now!”

The art of conversation….

This response always hurts my feelings, and makes me feel belittled. You may not be talking about “that,” but I was attempting to.

The above seems like an appropriate response to a difficult conversation, or to a tragic or revolting topic. Today I was musing about where my son might shop for clothing. He has asked for clothing for Christmas. He was working on his bike in the family room, and I was working in the kitchen. Had he said, “I’m really busy, can we discuss that later,” or even “I’m too busy right now,” then I wouldn’t feel summarily dismissed.

Can anyone help me with my issue about feeling rudely shut down when I hear this phrase? It may be a gender issue in part, but the only other person who has said this to me is a former female friend.

Our son has briefly moved home after living many years in another state, so I did not object to a bike shop in the family room.

We also had an issue about having a fire last night. He was warm, and I was cold, so I suggested he move the repair operation away from the fireplace. When the fire was built, and I wanted the main door shut to keep the warmth in, I was told I cannot compromise. Dad did not speak up on my behalf. So I went upstairs to my space heater and my book. Not being especially neat myself, I have said nothing about tools and clothes all around.

He helped me bake an apple pie today, per tradition. He dropped me and picked me up from yoga on Monday. He has barely arrived, and he worked hard yesterday, so I have been doing his dishes. Lately, I have been too busy for my own lunch dishes, but I have taken the holiday off.

Indeed, I work from home, and I am used to having things my way at home. But I want him to feel at home, too. And maybe we could both work on being thankful.

I think I am being tolerant, helpful, verging-on-doormat Mom, and instead am being met with some hostility, and called out over minor things.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! There is no one in the world I would rather see!

So I am asking for advice. It would be easier if I needed help deciding on a side dish, or whether to wear the black or purple patterned dress, or just jeans or cords. Since the only person I can change is me, I would appreciate thoughtful advice about what to do.

He slammed the door, and tore off to visit his older brother as planned (minus the door-slamming.)

We have been watching The British Baking Show. It is cheery, clever, silly, and calming. Now for more of the American baking show and pecan pies.

I expected issues, just not so many, so quickly. It can’t be easy to move home, even for a day.

Keep calm and carry on?

Circe

#family #Thanksgiving #compromise

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One thought on ““I’m not talking about that now!”

  1. Pingback: “I’m not talking about that now!” | Circespeaks

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